This really does need clearing up, once and for all. A few years ago, to my lasting regret, I attempted to introduce The Guys to some abstract thinking. I can’t remember the circumstances. I merely observed that a person cannot concieveably see everything in the world in one lifetime. The idea is impossible; by the time you had seen everything that existed in one instant in time, everything would have changed anyway. For this reason people have to rely on the experience of other people for information about things they have never seen. For example, I said to The Guys, we take it for granted that Japan exists, even though none of us have been there. We take it on hearsay that the country of Japan exists; we have to. It is essential to our functioning as rational human beings.

The Guys, in their ignorance, misunderstood this intelligent philosophical statement about the nature of truth. They percieved it as me making the nonsensical statement ‘Japan does not exist’. I had clearly failed to budget for the woeful lack of head-candy on the part of certain members of The Guys, who will obviously remain nameless (Woody). Ever since that day, I have been reminded of my mistake every single time the subject of Japan has come up in conversation. The Guys insistently believe that I hold the opinion that Japan is a nonexistent place, and all references to it in books, the media and the on the back of toasters are part of some kind of conspiracy. I do not believe this. I am not a paranoiac suffering under the delusion that the world in general is for some reason lying to me about the existence of the Japanese islands. I heartily accept all evidence that there is such a place, whatever lying toe-rags like Thomas Woodward may say. Below is a map of Japan. If I denied the country’s existence, why would I have a map of it on my website? I wouldn’t, that’s why.

I think this confounds Mr. Woodward. The monkey-assed gizz-napper.

Fig.1