Anyone who knows me would probably say that there is very little to my personality beyond the fact that I have an inordinately large forehead. But there is more, oh yes, much more.

NAME: Matt Harvey

ALIASES: Harv, That Guy With The Big Forehead, Sir Lemuel Peu

D.O.B: September 30th, 1981

NATIONALITY: British

RELIGION: Technically Christian

ALLEGIANCE: The Queen, Capitalism, Evil

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Straight, against all evidence

FAVOURITE TELEVISION: All obscure mid-eighties childrens programming, Blackadder, Quantum Leap, Beer adverts

FAVOURITE FILMS: The Back to the Future Trilogy, Withnail & I, It's a Wonderful Life, Quadrophenia

FAVOURITE BOOKS: 1984, Jeeves & Wooster, 2001: A Space Odyssey

SPECIAL SKILLS: Sarcasm, Wearing Horrible Shirts, X-Ray Vision

LIFE SAVINGS BANK SECURITY NUMBER: 6205 8475

Actually, I was lying when I said there was more to me. There isn't. I go to school, do as little work as possible, make belittling comments about my peers, then come home and write lame, unfunny Y-Files scripts and draw childish pictures for websites and stuff. Or do I? Am I , in fact, being ironic? My part in The Cool and Ironic Postmodern Bible would certainly suggest so. Or would it? Aaaah.

It is a known fact that 99% of my long-term memory is filled with useless trivia from rubbish childrens' television from the mid-eighties. The other 1% is devoted to remembering things like how to speak, or eat, or play the Stop the Pigeon theme on the kazoo. I'm talking about obscure shows like Around the World in Eighty Days with Willy Fogg, or The Mysterious Cities of Gold. I find I can easily sympthasise with the deep emotional conflict between the Little Green Man and his companion Zoom-Zoom, or the man love triangle of  Hannibal, Murdoch and B.A. Barachas. In a perfect world, I would devote my life to low-quality eighties early morning programming, but have as yet been unable to find a university that offers a course on Bagpuss and related texts. I'm still looking, mind.

As I mentioned before, I design graphics for a line of lame computer games, which you may peruse at my company's website, here.